Another open letter from Jim Luers to the powers that be (A Manifesto of Glory)

“You are light

And you keep on Shinning

They can’t turn you off”

Aditus

It is with sadness, nay, rage, that I find myself writing yet another open letter. This time, however, the source of my troubling does not involve my lack of existence but quite the contrary. Now it seems that there’s a little too much Jim Luers to go around.

Something I never thought I would say, since there’s never enough Jim Luers to go around. You should never be able to get enough of Jim Luers. You catch my drift. The powers that be are at it again and a new Jim Luers incarnation has come into existence. As the most reliable media platforms of chavismo are constantly subject to hacking and infiltration attempts by the cachacan right wing of Columbia, one can but imagine that some evil might slip through the cracks. And it has.

Venezuelan democracy, as envisioned by Chavez, is in dire straits. The powers that be have been pushing to place their interests at the top again. To force things to a state of involution and wind the hands of time back to the 80s or (worse!) the 90s, when Venezuelans only cared about beauty queens, and cared little about who the president was. So little they would care about who the president was, should a beauty queen decide to be President of Venezuela, Venezuelans would care not about how could a beauty queen be elected President, but why in the world were they voting anyway if she’s a queen, and that’s what queens do. They rule. Right?

 A change in power in Venezuela would be devastating. It would be as if Donald Trump won the elections in the US of A and started degentrifying all your suave hipster neighborhoods, and swapped your cup of kopi soy lattes for a Seven Eleven one Dollar chug chug. Forget about cronuts, you’ll be having Big Macs for breakfast. You’ll find yourself shaving your fashionable lumberjack beards and keep that clipper going onto the top of your heads just to have a bald spot to comb over. Because THAT will be THE shit.

It will be the end of times. You must NEVER forget you owe cronuts, kopi soy lattes, and perfectly trimmed lumberjack beards to the current Commander in Chief, Barack Hussein Obama. And this, friends, is nothing but the truth.

Now, imagine this tragedy, and apply it to Venezuela. Ok, Venezuela doesn’t have cronuts, nor kobe soy lattes, but you could still sport a decent lumberjack beard, cause you don’t have to pay for facial hair, it just grows. And if you don’t find trimming equipment, well, just don’t trim it, that’s fine. Take Fidel Castro and Ernestou Guevara. They looked like they glued a bunch of pubes on their faces, and no one said a word, I bet.

But my enemies won’t take me down, be it trashy gossip sites like Buzzfeed and Slate, or the Venezuelan oligarchy and their cheap copycats. Pappy used to say, keep your friends close and shoot your enemies in the back of their heads. Pappy had a handful of friends, and no enemies. But I am not my father. I have many friends and they are not easily separated from my enemies. Because I like everyone. There’s nothing you can’t solve when you have a couple margarita pitchers around and a couple of Nicaraguan hookers. It’s a character flaw, Pappy believed. A character flaw, that seemed to define my existence, that which once again is threatened by the powers that be.

My enemies (the new ones, because I can’t tell apart the old ones from my friends) should know that I have been able to get clear from deeper gutters, and pulling out from trickier quicksands. I will shine. In the end, it will be me bathing in the golden showers of Emanuelle.

There are several plots underway to erase me. To vanish the positive influence that Jim Luers has over the western hemisphere. But, enemies, beware. If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Jim Luers is energy, and energy, like force, doesn’t die. It transforms. It evolves.

And, finally, to paraphrase some of the words of the most influential speech given by a President of the United States of America, a democrat nonetheless: I am fighting for my right to live, to exist. And should I win, this day will be remembered as the day when Jim Luers declared with his own voice to the world that “I will not go quietly into the night! I will not vanish without a fight! I’m going to live on! I’m going to survive! Today I celebrate my Independence Day!”

Jim Luers is light! Jim Luers will go on!

James K. Luers

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